One year ago today...

No, I haven't lost it and forgotten when my 3rd child's birthday is... I have been weepy all week in anticipation of Benjamin's big day:)  I have also been thinking a lot about one year ago today.  One year ago today, we were just packing and unpacking a gender neutral suitcase in anticipation of our baby boy who was to be born on Februaty 4.  My Aunt Brenda and my mom had helped finish the nursery just the day before.  My good friend Emma's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Ellis called and offered to pay for our airfare to and from Utah.  What a blessing!!!!!  We politely declined and said we shouldn't need help with airfair unless birthmom went into labor the next day (funny joke huh?).  We still had no name for him, and were were growing quite fond of "sweet pea", as we were referring to him as we decided on his name.  Little did we know that we were experiencing some lasts.  We had dinner together for the last time as a family of 4.  We did bath time for 2 babies for the last time.  I tucked in my kids for the last time as a momma of 2.  I said good night to my "Baby Boy" without having to differentiate which one I was talking to. I had one son and one daughter that night.  As I laid down to sleep my mind was racing with the thoughts of that sweet baby and all the preparations needed.  Would he have dark brown eyes, or light brown?  Did I restock the diapers in the changing table?  Did I pack enough wipes for the trip?  Would he have a ton of hair or none at all?  Did I include the bedazzled hat and bow just in case the doctors were wrong about the sex of the baby? Would his birth mom change her mind?  Would she like us?   How many pairs of gloves would we need?  I remember thinking, "slow down Molly!  You have until February 4, none of this is going to need to happen tonight!"  I also remember praying, "Thank you Lord for giving me just enough time to wait.  Not too much, not too little."  Of course we never could have dreamed that night would be the last night without our sweet Benjamin in our arms.