Monday, June 30, 2014

"I still care about her"

My Sweet Boy!

I was putting Andrew to bed and as I snuggled down with him he said something that stopped my heart.  He said, "Mom- I miss my birth mom.  No one saw her face except me.  I wish she could know I still care about her."

And exhale...

I hugged him and told him I think she knows just how much he loves her.  I also told him that his birth mom loves him more than he will ever know.  I told him she must think about him all the time.  He said, "Mom, my birth mom is probably dead right?  I mean most people in Ethiopia don't have any food or clean water." 

And exhale...

I explained that we pray for his birth mom every night and reminded him we pray for safety and for a peace.  We pray that she would somehow know that she made the best choice for Andrew by taking him to the ally where someone would find him and take him to the orphanage.  She could never imagine that Andrew would be living with a family who loves him and takes care of him.  I told him that Ethiopians do have a hard time finding enough food and clean water, so there is a possibility that his birth mom is no longer living on this earth.  I also told Andrew that no matter where she is right now, he will see her in heaven.

And exhale...

Then came the hard part.  I told him that no matter how he feels about being adopted, it's okay.  Sometimes, he will like being adopted, sometimes he won't.  Sometimes, like tonight, he will feel sad.  Sometimes he will be mad or frustrated or feel like no one understands.  All of that is okay.  That part wasn't so hard.  The hard part was taking in the fact that no matter how much I love Andrew, no matter how much I nurture and work to be sure he has what he needs and is well adjusted, it might not be enough.  He will always have this little part of him that will long for something cannot give him and I cannot understand.  All I can do is pray that he understands the choices his birth mom made to give him life and the choices we made to bring him home.

Sometimes adoption is so fun.  We get to see God create families in ways we could never imagine.  Sometimes adoption is hard.  When you get smacked in the face with the reality that there are just somethings you will never be able to give your child.  Regardless of how it feels, adoption is always a miracle!