Sunday, April 24, 2011


If you have been following our adoption, or any adoption for that matter, you know that there are SEVERAL hoops to jump through before finalization.  Andrew and Annabelle were home for almost a year when we had their finalization hearing.  With Benjamin, we have to have 2 post placement visits done (we have finished one), have paternity published, and have our Utah agency (A Guardian Angel Adoptions LLC) recommend us as the forever family for Benjamin.  Then we can move forward with finalizing Benjamin's adoption.  Just to be clear, all of these steps are considered a "formality" and yet- they are all super important.  Our latest victory (thank you Lord), comes in the form if a finalized "paternity search".  In the state where Benjamin was conceived, we had to have his birth mom's name and likely date of conception published in a legal journal and wait.  We waited for someone to step forward and claim paternity.  In the state of UT (where Benjamin was born, different from where he was conceived), a father cannot claim paternity unless they have supported birth mom throughout the pregnancy, financially and emotionally.  So even if someone came forward claiming to be Benjamin's father, we would probably be okay.  Our agency explained that the likely hood of this happening was slim to none.  We still waited on pins and needles for the time period to come and go, and the lawyer to let us know the results.  The e-mail came in Tuesday.  There were no claims of paternity.
Of course we were overjoyed!  One more step towards finalization and really, one more smooth step in a big line of smooth steps to bringing Benjamin into our forever family.  But when I took a breath and quit crying with relief, I started crying all over again.  I was crying for Benjamin.  I was crying because he will  never know who his biological father is.  I was crying because no one claimed him.  I was listening to his sweet voice "talking" to me from his Bumbo and I was crying that someone out there, who should, will never hear the sound of his voice.  I NEVER in a million years expected to feel this way towards Benjamin's birth father.  I wanted to say, "your loss idiot" and be done with it.  But God has softened my heart towards him.  It the past countless days I was praying that this nameless man would continue to be nameless and we could move on with our adoption. Along the way, God gave me a heart of tenderness.  A heart of tenderness towards this man who will never know his biological son and a REAL heart of tenderness to my tiny boy.  God is preparing me even now, for when the hard questions start to be asked.

Thank you Lord for the favorable outcome you have given us in Benjamin's paternity search.  But thank you even more, for softening my heart so that one day, if our son asks, we can tell him honestly how we feel about his birth father.

Benjamin- We are SO thankful that we are one step closer to making you ours!