Friday, February 18, 2011

One Month Ago Today

One month ago today Bill and I were in a hospital room in West Jordan, Utah.  One month ago today, we did not for sure if you would be ours.  We prayed and hoped and planned, but we did not know.  Any adoptive mom can tell you the agony of caring for a baby who is not quite yours.  You change and feed and hug and kiss and worry and pray like he is your own.  Never letting on he is not- just in case he can somehow sense it.  And you don't want to look back and say, "wow- the day you were born was the worst day of my life".  No- you bond like crazy, you call him by name, you call and text and spread the news, you are fiercely protective during the "heel prick".  And then, in the quiet, when he is sleeping and so is your husband, you silently cry.  You cannot keep the tears from flowing down your face as you look at this perfect tiny creation.  Partly because you cannot believe he is yours and partly because you know there is a real possibility he will not be.  You cry because no matter how long you have prayed for this day, nothing can prepare you for this.  No amount of reading and counseling and adoption education can prepare you for this reality.  How do you love so completely and be sure to not get too attached?  In that moment, that tear soaked, desperate moment you decide.  You decide to love that baby for now.  Just right now.  Maybe it won't be for much longer and maybe it will be a lifetime.  But all you have is now.  So you decide to love now.   God has turned that "right now" into a month filled with "right nows".  Now I sit with you on my shoulder. So tiny, that if I lean back a little in my chair, I don't even need hands to hold you!!  Crazy right?!  One short month ago, we had no idea how you would change how we saw our family.  But you have.  It has only been a month and we cannot remember our lives without you.  Lord- thank you for taking our "right now" and giving us more.  May we never forget to live as thought right now is all that matters.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

So here are the details

I won't be posting a ton of pics just yet, as we haven't done this before and want to figure out how much of Benjamin's story we want kept private and how much we want to be public (as for public, I mean all 7 of you who read this blog).    But here is the story of how Benjamin Jer William came into this world!
10:00am-Agency calls, birthmom is being rushed to the hospital in an ambulance.  She is bleeding heavily.  They will call us when they know more.
10:01am- Andrew, Annabelle and I got on our knees and prayed for our baby and his birth mom.
10:05am-Called Bill and EVERYONE we could get a hold of to ask them to pray.
10:30am-Agency called and said birth mom is fine, baby is fine but birth mom is dialated to 6 cm and we need to get on a plane
10:31am-Gather Andrew and Annabelle and praise God for keeping our baby and his birth mom safe.
10:32am- Bill leaves work (1 hour from our house).  Incidentally, he carpooled to work, so him leaving required his carpool buddy to bring him home-Thanks Angie!
10:33am-Called my mom and promptly bawled my eyes out with relief, worry, excitement, terror...
10:35am- Call Emily, whose parents had offered to give us vouchers for air fair (13 hours earlier).  I polietly told them we didn't think we would need them, unless birthmom went early.  So we now needed them.
11:00am- Mr. and Mrs. Ellis (Emma's parents) booked us on the 2:00 flight to Salt Lake City.  Aunt Frankie comes over to get the kids calmed down and to school.
11:30am- Toyota guy shows up to work on the rental we have while the van is getting fixed (perfect timing right)
11:45am- Toyota guy finishes and Aunt Frankie takes the kids to school (talk about a teary goodbye).  I kept thinking of the "last time of a family of four"...
12:30pm- Suit cases are packed and all tied with matching baby blue ribbon
12:31pm- We realize we have thought of everything except how we were going to get to the airport...
12:32pm- Carmen (our neighbor) to the rescue
1:00pm- Arrive at the airport for our 2:00 flight
1:36pm- Benjamin Jer William Sanborn makes his debut (unbeknownst to us)
4:40pm- Land in Utah and make the LONGEST 15 minute drive in history to the hospital
5:15pm- Meet our sweet baby Benjamin for the first time

First time we saw him

AHHH!!!!  That's our baby!!!!

I know, no one is surprised by the hysterics!!

Much more composed Daddy!
So that is how it all went down.  We will post more later about how the details all worked out and God orchestrated a miracle!